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Humorous Stories
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AUTHOR: Tim Bete
And many other reasons why God is a much better creator than I am.
God created the world before Home Depot existed. That's a theological concept I can't comprehend. I take at least five trips to Home Depot during every project. The first trip is to buy materials, the second to return what I purchased and get the correct items, the third is to ask questions, the fourth because I forgot the answers and the fifth to ask if I can pay someone to do the project for me.
Obviously, God is a better creator than I am. God created the entire universe. I can barely assemble a gas grill. Frankly, I have never completed a project and said, "It is good."
There are thousands of ways my ability to create pales in comparison to God's. For instance, during the creation of the world, God separated the light from the darkness. I've separated an egg and my children when they fight, but that's about it.
God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. I called my neighbor to borrow a metric wrench to assemble the grill. God created "swarms of living creatures." I paid an exterminator $189 to get them out of my basement.
If I had created the world, my first words would have been, "Let there be duct tape to keep the stars from falling out of the sky and the leaves on the trees." Not God. His project was free of artificial adhesives. In my book, that's more miraculous than creating man from dust. God didn't even use a coat hanger--the universal household tool. Amazing!
Not once during the six days did God have to go back and fix what he messed up the previous day. That raises the theological question, "Did God have instructions when creating the world?" Some Scripture scholars believe God had instructions but didn't read them, proving God is a man.
Other scholars argue that God cannot be a man because there were no leftover parts on the sixth day when the project was completed. I'm no Bible expert, but if God is a man, I doubt He would have started the project in the first place.
God created the world "in the beginning." Men never start a project in the beginning but rather wait for their wives to ask four or five times.
I have discovered two ways that I resemble the Creator. First, it takes me the same amount of time to assemble a gas grill that it took God to create the world: six days. Second, God rested on the seventh day. My wife says when it comes to napping, not even God is better than me.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Tim Bete's award-winning parenting humor column was previously featured in the Christian Science Monitor, Sacramento Bee and Atlanta Parent magazine. Visit his website, Where I Live. |
Religious Humor 
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